Realigning Money and Spirituality after my divorce
This time last year, I was deep in survival mode. I had been through a year and half of a high-conflict divorce, with no end in sight. The current issue was settling property—i.e., money. I had learned my ex-husband had amounted to over $100,000 in debt since separation, and wanted me to be accountable for it. He was lying about his income and would not be honest with his financial disclosure. The legal bills were piling up, and there was no clear route with the court system. Scared doesn’t even fully describe where I was at.
The Money and Spirituality four-week course arrived in my email from Clear Sky. I had seen mention of the course before and not thought much of it. This time I felt it called to me. It came at a time when money is all I could worry about. How could it not be sign from the universe?
I signed up.
Building Trust, and Tools
After the four weeks, I felt a shift occur. Small, but noticeable. I could see how fear was driving so much of my life, including money. With encouragement from Karen I signed up for the 6-months of small-group Money and Spirituality coaching.
Over the year, Karen, a fellow student known as my “Buddha buddy,” and the small group helped me explore my behaviors, beliefs, and patterns around money. I became aware how my fear around losing money and scarcity was an old pattern that was no longer serving me. We unraveled new ways of viewing money and how to operate in a world that is so focused on consumption.
While I was in the course, the challenges of my divorce and legal process unfolded—yet I had to let go and trust the process.
The Money and Spirituality small group was a container for me to share my fears and my grief, and to process my inner world as I went through this journey. It allowed me to apply Karen’s teaching firsthand as the chaos played out. Even during the worst of it, I found myself reaching to what I was learning and being able to weather the storm of the divorce.
What Is My Real Value? How Can Money Honor My Values?
Using Karen’s money quiz and doing some one-on-one work with her, I was able to identify behaviours and beliefs around money that were no longer serving me and then making some small steps to changing those beliefs and behaviors. Part of this exploration involved exploring my mother and father’s wounds. I realized that much of my fear and beliefs around money came from these wounds. I came away understanding my value and success in life do not need to be tied to money and that it is okay for me to spend money to take care of myself. Now, I am seeing myself, and really all people, are of value just as they are. That I can define my own success—through my kindness that I show others, how I care for myself, how I create a safe loving home for my son, and how I strive to create peace in my life.
Another key learning that has been so valuable was identifying my top 5 values and aligning my money decisions to them. Karen helped me to see that money is a tool to help me align my life. These top five values have become a touchstone for me, and not just for money. I have found that I can lean on my top five values when I am faced with challenges or an indecision when it comes to money. By using the values, I found that I am able to ease my anxiety in making choices with money and I have become more confident in my decisions around money.
My growth around money has only begun. However, this intentional work in the small group coaching and the support from Karen and my Buddha buddy have been life altering.
As I continue to move through the divorce process, I am doing so lighter, with tools and understanding which I am eternally grateful for. Right now, I am trusting the process and have let go of the outcome. For those who are going through a similar shift in your life circumstance, exploring your relationship with money and spirituality can be incredibly valuable. The investment in your growth—it is so powerful.
Banner image courtesy of Engin Akyurt